FriendsWithFetishes Blog

Two posts later and my writing muscles are starting to warm up. It is like when you have not said fuck for over 2 months. The first couple times you say it it just does not feel right… but after a couple more times you start swearing like a banche and it starts to feel oh.so.right! I wonder if being spanked is similar?

Oh yeah, the reason I am posting. Our blog has a new home at http://sexualdeviants20.com. With a fresh design and all to celebrate our soon to be released new version of FriendsWithFetishes. Yeah, you heard right. I have not been sitting on my ass for the last 3 months. Well I have because programmers kind of literally have to sit on their ass but my ass has been sitting at my computer. Not on a dildo while watching TV. Sometimes I just wish I was a girl! Life would be so fun…

Ok, so i’m sitting at toronto’s version of montreal’s shaika cafe; tequila bookworm. I’ve been sitting here for over two hours trying to calm my nerves and be “me” in my writing. For all of those who don’t know, well for all of you, i was trying to write a couple articles for a freelance writing/editing position that is very important to me. However due to how badly i wanted the job, i couldn’t relax and write so i decided to change my “scene” if you will. So I decided to relax and write about something else fun: anal sex. So here you go guys, another entry for our fetipedia. AND for johnbaku, i believe i’m over my minimum that we set to get you to start a seperate page on fwf for my fetipedia pages. anyways, read, enjoy, ANAL SEX!!!

Anal Sex

So… what IS anal sex?

Well let me say first and foremost, if you don’t know, you MAY have just stumbled onto the wrong site. Second, well, if you can’t figure out what anal sex is from just the title, we may have bigger problems than I originally thought, However, for educational purposes…

Anal sex is having sex with penetration of the anus. In regards to heterosexual couples this means the penis goes in the ass (yes that’s the technical term) rather than the vagina. In homosexual relationships, well, besides having oral sex, that’s kinda the only hole ya got to use. Either way anal sex is just that, anal sex.

Now that I know what it is (just incase you didn’t before), why would I want to try it?

Here’s where we get a little down and dirty (please excuse the lame pun, just couldn’t resist). The pleasure factor of anal sex varies from person to person. Some find giving anal very pleasurable, some find receiving it pleasurable, etc. For most women, we have all had at least one boyfriend who’s wanted us to try anal, and for most guys, you’ve asked at least one girl to try it.

Now the question is why? The most popular answer is that anal sex is more pleasurable than vaginal. The ass (again the technical term), is often much tighter allowing for the giver to be extremely pleasured.

Is it as pleasurable for the receiver? If it wasn’t, I couldn’t imagine the practice being as popular as it is. And yes it is popular. Sometimes the receiver of anal needs to get used to it in order to enjoy it this is due to learning to relax the muscles, or just getting used to the normally uncomfortable feeling. This isn’t a bad thing ‘cause lets face it, practice makes perfect. The more you do it, the more they’ll enjoy it.

What is it going to feel like? How am I supposed to feel? Is it going to hurt? How do I know I’m not doing something wrong?

Ok, that’s a lot of questions to answer in one question. First of all it will feel different in every single case. Pending on if you’re giving, receiving, boy, girl, big, small, etc. If you are the “giver” in anal sex it should be pleasurable. It should feel similar to vaginal sex, perhaps tighter, (again depends on the person). As the receiver, if you are used to anal sex, it will most likely be pleasurable. There are many nerves around the anus that send pleasurable signals however, like I said, sometimes it takes practice. As a receiver, you are used to things, how do I put this nicely, exiting that orifice. It may feel uncomfortable and perhaps even a little painful at first, but once the muscles relax, and you get used to it, you’ll most likely enjoy it immensely.

To make it not hurt, when first starting anal sex, make sure you first and foremost use lube. Second it is a good idea to make sure the person you’re receiving anal sex from can ease into it slowly and get you used to having something “up there”. My last tip is to train your ass. If you want to please your partner, want to try it, or whatever your reason, get anal plugs (see anal plug entry) and train your ass and the muscles to get used to it. It will then be less painful and more pleasurable quicker.

How do I work anal sex into my sex life? How do I introduce this to my partner?

First thing guys… “whoops wrong hole, sorry honey I slipped”, DOES NOT WORk, DO NOT TRY AT HOME!!!

The best suggestion I can make is this: Talk to your partner. If you want to try it, tell them, explain the pleasure, explain how good it’s supposed to feel, make them read this blog post, anything. Just trust me when I say talking to them and getting them used to the idea and easing into it slowly will go over a hell of a lot better than trying to just do it (that way HURTS, and you’ll never get a chance to do it again). Now even in a Dom(me)/sub relationship, it may be a large part of your relationship through punishment of the submissive or plainly just the pleasure of the Dominant, however, it is still only appropriate to have them properly prepared (at least at the beginning) so that it is safe, sanitary and well, so you don’t rip them open. You may wish to TELL them to start training or to start getting used to it rather than asking, but that is up to you.

Ok, I totally kick ASS (again excuse the pun) at, well, doing the ass…what now?

Anal Sex is not so much a progressive fetish as it is just a fetish. You either enjoy anal sex or you don’t, however there are different positions and different places you can do it. Be creative, bend her over a railing, have her on top, knees up, and bounce her up and down. Have fun and play around.

Are you sure I’m going to enjoy this fetish? Any tips?

I’m not sure, however a lot of people, and I mean A LOT (don’t believe everyone when they say they’ve never tried it), do enjoy anal sex. But as I seem to say for every fetish, it isn’t for everyone. My tips are just to practice, have fun with it, and please be clean. It is important for health reasons to be “clean” when having anal. For the first few times while everyone gets used to it, perhaps an enema before starting may help get rid of any uncomfortable thoughts. Last but not least, use lube, at least for the non-submissive, non-punishment, beginning anal sex sessions.

Once you start to enjoy it, my god, ENJOY it. Bring on the pleasure, bring on the tight asses, and bring on the anal sex!!!

Ok ok, i know i suck both literally and figuritively (tee hee), but i forced myself past that writers block, and now i’m back baby…. This is a big post, this is a post of anal plugs…. i know there is so much to be added, but i want feedback, so if you guys have any comments… COMMENT… or any suggestions…SUGGEST!! however, most importantly, i hope you enjoy this post, because, well, it took me long enough to post it…. and i gaurentee, there will be another one shortly.

Now one other note, please feel freet to write me or john about anything else you may want to write about. The page is growing, friendswithfetishes is rocking and we’re having a lot of fun. Please, if you want something, or feel something, or wish you could do something, let us know. Nows the time!!! ok, now for the next page of our fetipedia… ANAL PLUGS (WOOOOO HOOOOOO)….

Anal Plugs

So what exactly IS an anal plug?

Well I looked it up so that I could give you guys a technical definition. So…

Technically: An anal plug as an object with a rounded, cone shape that immediately tapers off before reaching the bottom. When inserted in the anus, it is stretched until passing over the largest part where it then tapers off to the flat bottom causing the person to be “plugged”. Often this “toy” is used for anal training, stretching and relaxing the muscles over time for better anal sex. Anal plugs are often good punishment for those who need training for it causes much discomfort.

Anal plugs come in a variety of shapes, sizes, colors, materials, etc. There are small to XXL plugs appropriate for different levels of experience. There are also anal beads, probes and other anal toys that fall into a separate anal toy category.

However, not-so-technically: An anal plug is a pain-in-the-ass (sorry couldn’t resist)!

I thought anal plugs were just for homosexual partners, do heterosexuals really use them too? Why would I want to try it?

Men, let alone gay men are far from the only people that actually use anal plugs. This misconception may come from the fact that they are good for stretching the anus and relaxing the ass muscles for anal sex, however that applies to heterosexuals and females as well. Straight couples also use anal plugs to help stretch the muscles and train the anal muscles for better anal sex.

Anal plugs do cause discomfort, so why would you want to try it? Starting with a small plug and going up in size through experience is the best, most pleasurable, and least uncomfortable way of training yourself or someone else with anal plugs. The reason you may want to try it is that there is so much you can do with plugs. They help with better anal sex to please your partner for one. Another suggestion is to have a plug in you ass while having vaginal sex creating a tighter, more pleasurable experience for you and your partner as well. In a Dom(me)/sub relationship, it may not be YOU (if you’re the sub) who wants to try it, but your Dominant may enjoy training you or punishing you with a variety of anal toys.

Now what am I supposed to feel? Isn’t something going IN my ass the opposite of what should be?

You will feel some discomfort but after a little bit of training (I recommend consistent training rather than once in a blue moon) it will be less uncomfortable and become more pleasurable. There are a lot of sensors in the ass that can create a lot of pleasure (I could go into a deep psychological definition of Freudian’s theory of development, but I won’t for your sake). Anal plugs are something you’ll enjoy more and more with more and more training. Please keep in mind that if you’re a beginner, start small and work your way up.

I want to try an anal plug, how do I go about that? The best approach would be to go to your local sex store and purchase a small anal plug. From personal opinion, do not get any jelly type plugs. If you’d like a recommendation, Doc Johnson products are very good, and well made. Purchase a small plug, and start training yourself, perhaps an hour a day, and build up your tolerance until it’s no longer uncomfortable and you can handle the small plug for a long period of time, you then may wish to go purchase a medium plug. When you go get your first anal plug, ass the associate how to properly clean the toy. This is extremely important to keep it clean for health reasons. I’m really shy, I don’t know if I could talk to a sales person about this? If you’re very shy and it scares you to talk to a sales associate at your local sex store about anal plugs, that’s ok. Try going to a sex store farther away, one that you probably won’t ever visit again. Remember, you’re not doing anything wrong, and they work there, it is their job to help you.

Ok, how do I work this into my sex life?

There are two approaches to this question…If you are the one training yourself with anal plugs and you’re ready to include your partner it is easier. You’ve trained yourself and your anal muscles so that anal sex will be more pleasurable for you and your partner. Talk to your partner and suggest anal sex, many will not refuse!!! Another way to include the actual plug in your sex life is that of inserting one before having vaginal sex. This creates tightness and is often more pleasurable for your partner and for you.

If you wish your partner to start using anal plugs, the best thing to do is to sit down, and suggest it to them. Explain it to your partner that it can and will be enjoyable and pleasurable for both of you. AND last but not least, get your partner to read this fetipedia entry and they won’t be able to say no afterward.

I am in a Dom(me)/sub relationship, or am Dominant or submissive in the bedroom, are there any suggestions you may have that will allow us to include this in a more bdsm relationship?

This fetish is the actual use of a toy. This toy is appropriate for Dom(me)/sub relationships or vanilla relationships, it all varies in the way you use it and what works for you. When it comes to using anal plugs as punishment, it is in regards to a more bdsm relationship rather than just training for anal sex. Punishment can include purely just training the submissive so that you may enjoy anal sex with them, or perhaps making them wear an anal plug under their clothing for training or punishment. It is a great punishment to tell the submissive to wear an uncomfortable anal plug under their clothing to dinner or a movie. They will be constantly aware of your dominance and worried that others may know, without imposing anything on the public.

How do I know I might like this fetish? Easy… are you getting excited or curious?

As per all fetishes, it does not necessarily apply to everyone or get everyone excited or curious. However anal plugs have so many uses, so many opportunities of use that it often at the very least peaks curiosity. Anal plugs are cheap at the local sex store, and definitely worth picking one up and trying. Remember that it may cause a bit of discomfort at the beginning, but once you get used to it, those muscles will start getting more and more pleasured through anal penetration and well, who doesn’t want another way of being pleasured?

The “tail end” of the post, is there anything else I should know?

First of all: TRY IT!!! I highly suggest trying, and well trying again, and training yourself to enjoy it, because once you do, you’ll love it. Second of all, be safe and clean, due to the location of penetration, make sure you clean your toys and therefore you can enjoy them for longer.

Anal plugs are a pain the ass, but you’ll love them.

Get your minds out of the gutter, i’m not sexually frustrated, well maybe a little ;) . I’m frustrated with myself because I have been working on another fetipedia entry for about a week now. I don’t know why, but i have writers block. Everytime I go to sit down to work on it, it becomes so damn factual. As much as i believe the facts are important if i’m bored writing it, i can’t expect anyone to be excited to read it. What’s even MORE frustrating, is that it is a REALLY FUN entry. For all of those reading, you get to find out what the next entry will be… ANAL PLUGS!!!!!!!!!!

I guess the purpose of this entry is to tell you all that it IS coming, shortly (i hope) and if you have any ideas of how to get out of this mini writers block, please share. the last thing i’ll say, is that i am sorry it’s taking so long for the next page, but i promise, it is coming…. SOON…..

FWF has had a couple of pro doms and pro subs sign-up in the past couple of weeks and EmJ and I where discussing our concerns this morning. Basically it boiled down to two simple questions.

1. Are pro-doms and pro-subs really apart of the fetish and bondage communities?
2. If so, do they have something positive to contribute to the community we are trying to build or are they just in it for the money?

These are very tough questions for us because we do not ever want to come across as sensoring people here on FWF unless people are obviously not good for the community and or people are participating in illegal and or immoral activities.

What is your stance?

You know you are a newbie when you read the following and you say… shit.. I am a retard I had no clue:

Bondage and Discipline (B&D) = BD
Dominance and Submission (D/s,) = DS
Sadism and Masochism, Sadomasochism (S/M, S&M) = SM

By putting together the abbreviations for the above we get BD+DS+SM = BDSM.

Note: I did know about the BD and SM just not the DS :-)

I learned that from the BDSM Store.

By checking out the home page of course! Well, maybe not 30 minues ago, but if you check now you will see! :-)

note: I was hesitant to deploy this change because I did not want people to focus on the pictures over the people but I deployed the feature anyways. I can always remove it if I want. But I have to admit adding features is much easier then removing them. Time will tell.

I made a HUGE mistake today at work. I was emailing a link to a new member of FWF today to EmJ while at the same time sending links of new concepts to a client of mine’s corporate website. Suffice to say that client of mine is not in the fetish or adult business. I guess I copied and pasted too quickly because I ended up emailing my client the link to the new member of FWF. Fudge!

I have not heard from the client and I am assuming that since I overwhelmed the client with emails today that they probably are going to ignore the link. Please… I hope… maybe. Wishful thinking but unrealistic.

Where am I going with this? Oh yeah, so I end up mentioning this to one of the designers at work and after laughing histarically at me, not with me, they told me about this cool Latex company in Montreal called Polymorphe. I checked out their website, crazy collection they have! Me likey a lot!

Which then lead me to a link to the website pimping the Montreal Fetish Weekend which then led me to a 3 minute or so video clip from last year or previous years (was not clear) that was really hot that I wanted to share with you.

That is all he wrote!

Alright everyone, as you know (or read) John and i spent many-a-hour this weekend. John updated the site with the new ability to upload as many pictures as you want, and may i say he is BRILLIANT!!! i uploaded a bunch…check them out, it’s a lot of fun, and super super easy!!! While the genius was working on that i continued to work on blogs (see other postings) and the fetipedia. Now the next thing i have to nag poor john to do (not that he doesn’t work hard enough as it is) is to get him to put up the definition pages for each fetish…. But for now, i’m gonna post the second page (attempting alphabetical order) here..

Abrasion

What is abrasion?

Abrasion is the erotic stimulation of the skin through abrasive materials. Materials can include rough silk, leather, fingernails, sandpaper, brushes, well you get the idea, i mean, get creative think of some of you own.

I don’t know if this is for me, why would i want to try it?

Abrasion isn’t for everybody. It is, like every other fetish on the face of the planet, only arousing for some, however, i’m a huge advocate of “you can’t knock it until you try it”. Having said that, abrasion is a very physical sensory arousal and you never know you may love it.

What am i supposed to feel exactly as someone runs rough surfaces over my body? I mean don’t softer things feel nice?

Abrasion is a sensory stimulation. It will heighten that sense of touch, that feeling of physicality. IF this is your thing, you’ll be aroused by the different surfaces, the different feeling each and every abrasive material brings.
The important thing to remember is patience and pace. It is a gradual rise where the sensation of pain and pleasure mix and is impossible to differentiate.

Ok, what if i am interested this, how do i learn more or get into it?

Well the first answer to that question is you find a site that has a community that allows you to find like minded people cough fwf cough and you ask questions, and learn from those who enjoy the fetish The second answer, the non-shameless-plug answer is that this fetish is something you can try and introduce to yourself. I offer caution to those wanting to try, but find things around your house, test them on yourself, are you aroused by the feeling of something rough against your skin? try different areas, try different surfaces.

Ok, i’ve introduced it to my partner, we’ve played with it and love it, where do we go from here?

There are different things you can do, once you find your excitement through abrasion there are endless possibilities. You could make a game with your partner. Suggest that each of you find a new surface every other day and decide which one you enjoy more. Or you could elevate the sense of touch through abrasion by blindfolding your partner, and so they’re more reliant on the sense of touch. You could then use different materials and try to guess what is what. There are so many things out there, so many objects, the hardware store alone has enough for months of endless fun nights.

I’m extremely dominating in the bedroom, and love the idea of abrasion on my sub, what do you suggest?

Referring back to the game above, blindfold your sub, and using their entire body surface (careful of the face, and other ultra sensitive areas) and make your sub guess what you are using. Reward them for correct answers and punish them for wrong ones. Just make sure they are well blindfolded, wouldn’t want any peeking. It is also a more common practice in the bdsm community for a submissive to be blindfolded and rubbed, scraped, scratched, etc. with abrasive materials in an increasing manner. Starting off softer and moving into more abrasive and rougher surfaces generating varying levels of pain and building the submissive’s pain tolerance.

I’ve decided to try it, anything i should know ahead of time?

Abrasion is something, with a lot of sexual practices, to be careful with. When playing with others, make sure you know their tolerance or they have a way to let you know when it’s getting to be too much. Safe and consensual is extremely important and i wouldn’t be doing my job if i didn’t say the following. It is supposed to be erotic and sexually stimulating, if skin is broken please take the necessary procedures to clean any cuts and prevent infection. Although you may find it perfectly painful, it takes complete concentration and control from the top. Now that we’ve taken care of that, here are some suggestions for materials you could use; fingernails, hair brushes, wire brushes,toothbrushes, sandpaper, leather, wool, etc. In doing the actual abrasion, use a variety of long and short strokes. Try to drag the instruments across the skin and use quick taps with pointed implements. Use a light touch in sensitive areas of the skin, (careful around genitals because blood is fairly close to the skin) firmer on the more muscled areas. Take your time the pleasure/pain should build very slowly, without a sudden burst of pain this way it allows the body to send out endorphins creating a natural high.

Last but not least, It’s me the human thesaurus, what are some other words for abrasion?

The other word also used in the bdsm world is excoriation.

I know the fact that the page on abrasion is not seperated (indented) from the rest of the blog, will drive john crazy, but i don’t know how to do it… so for now..i’m sorry…. hope you enjoy…FIXED IT

your friend with fetishes, EmJ

Booya… on a friggn humid summer day EmJ and I have gone from coffee shop to coffee shop (to be read Starbucks to Tequilla Bookworm) working on FWF. She has been writing for the blog and the fetipedia we are working on and I have finished implimenting and pushed live the ability for people to upload as many pictures as they want to their profile!

Now that we have gone live with this update their is only three things left to do this weekend 1) for EmJ to upload the best of pictures from the first photo shoot we did and 2) for EmJ to write about her first ever fet photoshoot and 3) for you to look through your hard drive to see what kind of sexy pics you might have hidden away in some folder you have misnamed because you don’t want anyone to snoop through.

What does that leave me tasked with? To pay for our chocolate peanut butter milkshakes so we can get the fudge out of here so we can get our Fet on! Peace in the middle east.